1. When writing a cover letter to a magazine, don’t compare yourself to Shakespeare.
2. At a poetry workshop, don’t say ‘It’s too late to change this poem, I’ve already sent it to the Queen’.
3. Don’t introduce yourself at a poetry residential course by saying ‘my name is Elspeth/Ivy/Agnes but you can call me ‘Winter Storm’.
4. All responses to bad reviews should be limited to phone calls with your mum.
5. If you are performing your poetry and you ask the MC if there is time for ‘one more’ the answer is probably no but they are too polite to say.
6. When at a poetry reading, don’t turn around to complete strangers and talk about the guest poet being rubbish, who then turn out to be guest poet’s mum/best friend/neighbour.
7. Even if you have had a glass of wine, it is probably not a good idea to announce yourself on stage with lunges or star jumps.
8. Don’t greet famous poet that you’ve never met or even spoken to as if they were your best friend just because you’ve slept with their book under your pillow every night.